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13-Oct-2017 09:14

A late arrival into the world of social media, I nevertheless embraced it as a kind of escape.While my husband spent most evenings catching up on the horse racing he'd recorded over the weekend, I began perusing chatrooms – not in pursuit of cybersex necessarily, but initially more for harmless flirtation, a little virtual attention.Alone and discouraged, I sat staring at a computer screen.I was frustrated by the way my life had turned out. Would I be able to connect with others who would remind me of what I’d been taught as a child, that God loved me even then, that He’d not given up on me?They took time to share the hope that they’d found as they too had faced the unexpected.We spent time in prayer together as I faced a healing journey, one not of isolation but of renewed community.But I'm still afraid of losing control over my child's interactions with her peers. According to a Congressional report, one out of five kids has been solicited online for sex, usually by someone they met in a chat room or through instant messaging.

the company made the move when it was discovered that the online forums were being used by sexual predators to prey on underaged children.

Soon, I was spending hours in the parallel universe of cyberspace, often through wonderfully wide-awake nights, uninhibited in a way I never could be in reality.

I told no one, immersed and isolated in my secret life. In moments of fleeting clarity, I wanted to understand what was happening to me. Was it just my marriage problems, or was there something deeper causing me to behave that way?

I’d worked hard to hold onto remnants of hope for my marriage, but each day that summer I could feel it slipping through my fingers. God was still there, I knew, but I longed for people who would talk back. So here I was, seriously considering going into a chat room. Would I find friendship or face rejection because of my journey?

Late at night, I wished I could talk to someone who might understand my questions and respond with compassion. I felt so ashamed when I faced friends who knew us as a couple. Perhaps I would remain silent; I didn’t have to share my pain.

There were redundancy problems at work; my marriage was showing strains; and there was something large and unnameable missing from my life.